Monday, December 26, 2011

I do special maths

I hate this scale!
According to my online Myers-Briggs assessment, my personally-described personality constellation deems me "the champion." Thus far in this blog, I have shared that my only champion qualifications of late are those regarding self deception. So, taking this veritable block of salt and hitting the ground running, I have decided to describe the process of my transformation in quantifiable absolutes. Granted, these absolutes will be subjected to my full arsenal of subjective (and therefore erroneous) analysis.

My first fixation in this endeavor is upon my own weight. The reasons for this are twofold. First, my good friend and occasional running buddy, Jen Luebke, told me once that with equal fitness, one stands to be able to run four seconds per mile FASTER with each pound lost. Maybe it was only two seconds. I'm not sure who created this wondrous equation, but I do feel like I can securely state that dropping about thirty pounds will allow me to drop about 11.6 minutes from my 42 minute 10k without much actual running. (30 lbs x 4 sec x 6 mi).

So the other reason for the new weight fixation is more figurative. In 2006, just following the Seattle Marathon, I weighed a measly 142 lbs on my in-laws' bathroom scale. This Christmas, I weighed myself on a scale in the very same spot reading 185 lbs.

Quantifying this weight in my head has become somewhat of an hobby for me. Following are a few things that weigh roughly 43 lbs, none of which I'd like to bring along on my next marathon.

Death Star Pumpkin
Child-sized "atlas stone"
This canoe
Is this a Llama?
Diving helmet
Confiscated by the Portland P.D.
European Ostrich
Dog-fighter for a dog? 

Profound, no?

So in reality, 2006 was not a great year for me physically. I did manage to attract my wickedly-awesome wife around that time, but I was otherwise sorta wimpy and sick until I gained my pre-Ironman weight in 2007. In light of this, I have decided to aim for 159 lbs as a mid-April goal. MyFitnessPal, who was introduced in my first post, is doubting that I will meet this goal. In light of this, I have been stonewalling the SOB, and am hoping that his tune changes when I come around next week.

Expect some more great calculations in my next post, as well as some serious name-dropping of more famous pro athletes.

Oh, I can't forget to give a shout-out to my mother-in law, mayor of Ryegate, MT, for giving me the sweet used bathroom scale, and to Betsy, for tricking me into eating all of those Christmas cookies.


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